I don't want to be crabby or a debby downer but quite frankly I am tired of this stuff going on. I am annoyed with the media, crabby with my kids and fed up with the new school teacher.
There are posts on how to be positive, cherish these quieter times and to take the time to just be. To learn and grow. I understand the point of these messages and surely I will come out of this season knowing more than when the season started, but can I just wallow in a bowl of ice cream for a minute? Can we talk about how mentally draining this all is? How physically exhausting it is? This season will carry similarities and differences for each one of us.
What I know is that the uncertainty of daily life causes me more stress than the threat of the virus. I know that there is a high probability that every time I enter the grocery store or fill up with gas I am likely exposed. That doesn't scare me. What gives me anxiety is feeling like we still have to do all of the things in this season. Nothing can go by the wayside. School has expectations, work hasn't stopped and the kids need 3,500 snacks per day. We don't know when we will be able to hug our family or celebrate special people or shake hands at church. The uncertainty and waiting is daunting. What's a lady to do expect have a few breakdowns?
So what's the point of this post, I'm not really sure other than saying if you are having a tough time know that I am too. It's ok to have crappy days in this season. It's ok to feel like it is never going to end, it has to...at some point. Eat the ice cream. Take a walk. Play a game with your kids and if you have to lock yourself in the bathroom for a hot minute, do it.
You're not in this alone,
We looked at each other both exhausted from the last three weeks. I said first "I need time alone, I hope you understand. My mind and body need time to recharge." Without hesitation his response was, "The introvert in me needs to be introverted also."
Phew, so glad to hear those words. I don't know if either of us have really taken the time to process the last several weeks. In the middle of March we traveled to Florida for six days, the kiddos split time between each of our families. When we were there the pandemic situation was changing. At one point we started to wonder if we would be driving home. The day we flew home the Governor announced plans for distance education, my employer started to throw around different work from home/rotation plans. Lots of unknowns.
Now two full weeks into having our home office become my office we both clearly needed a break. A chance to veg and regroup. I still don't know if I have let my body and mind process all that is going on, to do that regroup. What I do know is parenting, working and teaching simultaneously throughout the day is exhausting on us and our kids. A different routine and schedule then we are all used to.
Today I am reminded of the gifts God has given Don and I through marriage. There has been continued growth and understanding of who each other is in every season. The fact that we both knew we needed a break today was pretty incredible. A large part of this for us is knowing God and another part is knowing ourselves. What a season we are in friends. What a journey we are all one, what a journey God has laid out for us.
I'm Lisa, a farm wife turned city slicker. A child of God, wife and mother. I'm a dreamer relying on God's grace to get me through.