Exhaustion has set in over the last week and I am beside myself. I don't know if it is the fact that harvest is starting or if I am truly exhausted. Each year at harvest I am reminded how hard single parenting is. How moods and expectations change from all parties. So tonight as I write this I am taking a deep breath and avoiding the mess that has ensued around me.
Over the last several months you have seen this little space on the internet evolve from a farm life blog to a blog about a farm wife leaning on God for help and guidance in all aspects of life. There is one part of the farm life blog that I miss, so I am bringing it back with a little revamp. The Tuesday Ten will be back but with different compiled lists on select Tuesdays. This week I am giving you all the feels, quite literally. I hope you enjoy.
1. Joy - This week I found joy in the eyes of my son as he expands his vocabulary and is starting to ask quite the questions. These questions are very different than the questions that our oldest daughter would have asked at that same age, but what a joyful experience to witness their differences.
2. Sorrow - Today the sudden passing of a business acquaintance brought sadness and deep sorrow. We are never given tomorrow so live today with God at the helm.
3. Hope - Finding hope in a clear conscious with the intent to leave my depression in the past.
4. Frustration - The past week has been filled with frustration as our oldest adjusts to school life. A new schedule and no nap has caused frustration in both of us as we navigate this new season.
5. Peace - I was reminded this week over and over again that He is always working with us and on us. A phase of pruning followed by a phase of growth or pruning and growth happening simultaneously. The peace this week has come from knowing that this season of depression is pruning me for growth in Him.
6. Fear - I am determined to not let fear get the best of me. My innate fear of failure has prevented me from taking certain steps. Each week I am challenging myself to put into action tasks that scare me. Actions that may fail, but nonetheless through these actions I will grow and learn.
7. Rest - Did you read my first paragraph? :) Practicing physical and mental rest, challenging myself to rest in the word daily AND to get to bed at a reasonable hour.
8. Grace - I need grace every week, but this week I am practicing the grace of wavering from my normal routine and schedule. I tend to focus on what has gone wrong in my morning routine rather than all of the good in it. Giving myself grace in the morning to sleep in a little later or throw my hair in a ponytail.
9. Patience - Each day is a new opportunity to practice patience. This week that means keeping my cool in reference to above #4.
10. Deliverance - Sharing hard truths with those you love will open new doors of love and light. A chance to deliver myself from hurting and pain.
Each week this ten could look different, but it will always be from the heart with the glory of God mixed in.
Seven years of love.
Today we celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we would be as close as we are today. Never did I imagine that I could love someone like I love him. This love could have not grown this deep without disagreements, knowing when to say you're right and knowing when to not throw in the towel.
Marriage teaches you as much about yourself as it does about your spouse. There are blissful days but there are also days when I don't like my husband. I always love him but I don't always like him and that is ok. We are on a journey to know each other more fully every day. The love we share should grow with each passing day.
This past year has brought so much grace to our relationship. We are able to share our thoughts and feeling more openly and honestly. We are able to enjoy each others company like we haven't in the past. Yes, we still argue. In fact we did yesterday over where to go to brunch. Really, you can't make this stuff up.
One of the biggest blessings in the last year has been meeting with several couples from our church once a month. Having people on your side that are going through similar stages in life has been so helpful for us. This small group setting allows us to share struggles, sorrows and victories.
So today I am so thankful not only for the last seven years, but especially the last. Thankful that we get to do life together, even on the crappy days. Thankful that we can argue and learn from our mistakes. Marriage is hard. It isn't a walk in the park. Today I am thankful for you, Donald. The Godly man you are; loving me unconditionally even when you don't take me to the correct brunch spot. ;)
I'm Lisa, a farm wife turned city slicker. A child of God, wife and mother. I'm a dreamer relying on God's grace to get me through.