I have now rewrote this starting line five different ways and none of them seem to suffice. I think it is time just to write and move on. Any of you readers know the enneagram? Any guesses based on my first statement what number I am?
Clearly a one, often referred to as the perfectionist. As I typed the word perfectionist I was reminded how hard I am on myself and those around me with little grace for error. Think the Lord placed the word dependence on my heart in 2019 for a reason?!
I am going to circle back to January 1st to better hone in on this. My 2019 word of the year came to me a little different than it has in the past, this time it was in the form of a positive pregnancy test. A test that seemed to say, you have another chance. A chance from the Lord that looks past my insecurities, past my perceived inability to parent as I moved through post partum depression with our third child. I felt so inadequate during those dark days. This test not only told us about the gift of new life, but it also said here is another chance at dependence on the Lord’s plan. His plan was cemented in my memory even more that day as I shared the news with my husband. I will never forget the joy and smile on his face. His tight embrace followed by a warm kiss. A sign that God has much greater plans for us, sometimes somewhat unexpected plans.
These “unexpected” plans can make us squirm and feel the willies, but if we aren’t having these feelings are we truly dependent on the Lord? In the uncomfortable is where growth and change happens. Where the pruning happens. The Lord is stepping in and saying yes or no for us if we stop, listen and give it all to him. A reminder I have to pray over daily. So today friends my prayer is this, that the Lord may place his hand upon you as you step into the uncomfortable. That he may grant you grace and understanding when the going is tough and when it is easy.
I'm Lisa, a farm wife turned city slicker. A child of God, wife and mother. I'm a dreamer relying on God's grace to get me through.