The last several days have brought anxiousness and fear for the unknown as our family reached a day that would need immense prayer. In each moment of unrest I have tried to release and give these thoughts to the Lord. I know that he will carry them for me as I need.
When life is a whirlwind and we have fear for the future that fear will consume you. That is what I was feeling. I was feeling unrest, worry and anxiousness. Difficulty sleeping and lack of focus. Last night I prayed and read in my devotional before putting myself to bed at 8:00. The first five hours of sleep were solid, followed by three of tossing and turning.
Little did I know that when my alarm would go off at 4:45 I would have a calming sense of peace wash over me. No fear for the day or what was ahead in it. I knew that God had today in his hands. I recently read in a devotional that he gives us the exact amount of strength we need for each day. How fitting. How correct. The peace was and is part of his plan. He knew what I needed today. A true sign that even in what we think are our dark moments he is there to help carry the weight. He is always good and it is always well in him.
Seven years of love.
Today we celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we would be as close as we are today. Never did I imagine that I could love someone like I love him. This love could have not grown this deep without disagreements, knowing when to say you're right and knowing when to not throw in the towel.
Marriage teaches you as much about yourself as it does about your spouse. There are blissful days but there are also days when I don't like my husband. I always love him but I don't always like him and that is ok. We are on a journey to know each other more fully every day. The love we share should grow with each passing day.
This past year has brought so much grace to our relationship. We are able to share our thoughts and feeling more openly and honestly. We are able to enjoy each others company like we haven't in the past. Yes, we still argue. In fact we did yesterday over where to go to brunch. Really, you can't make this stuff up.
One of the biggest blessings in the last year has been meeting with several couples from our church once a month. Having people on your side that are going through similar stages in life has been so helpful for us. This small group setting allows us to share struggles, sorrows and victories.
So today I am so thankful not only for the last seven years, but especially the last. Thankful that we get to do life together, even on the crappy days. Thankful that we can argue and learn from our mistakes. Marriage is hard. It isn't a walk in the park. Today I am thankful for you, Donald. The Godly man you are; loving me unconditionally even when you don't take me to the correct brunch spot. ;)
Motherhood is hard and tricky. Sometimes its hard to navigate and sometimes you want to cry yourself to sleep in a locked closet where no munchkins can ask you “why” for the millionth time. But other times, most of the time motherhood is oh so rewarding. The title of mother is one that some have received through natural birth, adoption, hardships or unforeseen losses. The title of mother is one that will never leave you once you have heard that heartbeat on a fetal monitor or held a positive pregnancy test in your hands. God has chosen you to be a mother.
HE CHOSE YOU and don’t ever forget it.
After rapid firing questions to Mr. Farmer he thought it would be a good idea to do the same back. You can tell that he picked the questions...and really who says yellow is their favorite color?! Oops sorry spoiler alert. Apparently I think yellow is the bomb even though I despise wearing yellow, nothing in my house is yellow, I own NOTHING yellow. I think the question should have been what is your favorite color to wear, or what is your favorite paint color and with that I digress...
And to bore you even more here are my more well thought out answers:
Some answers changed and some didn’t or maybe the rapid fire felt like not packing the dishwasher correctly.
P.S. He also saved the document as "My Bae's Rapid Fire Questions" just to drive me nuts and get an eye roll...IT totally worked.
My husband spoke those dreaded words tonight. The ones that no farm wife ever wants to hear…”I’m ready for spring!”
My first response, “So you can loose your winter weight?”
Good thing he knows that I am joking and good thing this conversation isn’t in reverse.
“No, so we can be outside. We can play with the kids, you and #3 can be out there with us.”
I’m still questioning his motives, does he really want to spend time with us or is he ready to leave the wackadoodle house of crazies? Who wouldn’t want to escape every now and then to a peaceful tractor cab with heated seats and a built in cooler. I can almost guarantee you that there is less dirt on the tractor cab floor then on our entry/kitchen floor. Luxury I tell you, pure luxury. :)
How do you talk a farmer down from this? Do you remind him it’s the end of January and we have a lot of winter left? Do you suggest he attends another meeting? Do you write him a honey-do-list as he seems to be bored?
Unfortunately none of these are the right answer….
The CORRECT answer is you remind him that it is the end of January and you have at least 2.5 more months of quality family time before tillage and planting. This includes eating supper together, playing go fish for the bazilyionth time, being beat in Candy Land and Memory by 4.5 year old, cuddles on the couch after kids are in bed. thinking of it this way makes my heart full. It’s a crazy life, but it’s our crazy life.
I have been more than absent from blogging lately and it bothers me but at the same time I know it was needed. Not that I have ever been a consistent blogger, but usually it is an outlet for me. A way for me to disconnect and let me mind go where it wants. Each season brings new challenges hopefully met with grace.
Farming continues to be part of our livelihood along with myself continuing to work off the farm. We are very fortunate to have what we have. The winter months (November-January) are our precious moments where we all get to enjoy meals together. There is no wondering when Mr. Farmer will be home, there is no cold suppers left on the table waiting for him far past bedtime, there is no single parenting. We get to be together enjoying precious well deserved time together.
Don’t get me wrong that the business of farming is teaching our children things we never would be able to teach to this degree if we worked in other industries. Our children get to see perseverance, grace, hope, trust, and patience daily. Some say farmers are the eternal optimists and I would have to agree. So as I make a commitment to share more of our real farm life with you, I ask for your grace as each season brings new challenges and with that a continued faith in God, our Heavenly Father.
We moved back to the farm in April of 2012 newly married with a very narrow vision of the future as far as careers. I was about to celebrate my one year anniversary with a company that I loved but I also knew that commuting an hour one direction was unrealistic in the long term. This became more evident as we found out that we were expecting our first child. There were no sizable towns on my drive so the first question became daycare and the second became do I find a new job?
I’m sure I’m not the only crazy hormonal pregnant lady who breaks down to their husband about these types of solvable problems. I started to search, but jobs in the field of agriculture are hard to find around our area unless you want to be an agronomist or sell seed. I wanted to do neither. I spread my search to banks and other financial institutions with little luck and held onto hope that something would open up with my current company.
Through many tearful conversations with my husband of trying to find daycare we decided that for now we would do what we could. My husband would head one direction to drop off our firstborn while I headed the other direction to work. Extra miles, but it was reality. Fast forward to December of 2012, I was 7 months pregnant and still lost. The uncertainty of it all and knowing how far I was going to have to drive was eating me up. Just as I was about to call it quits, God stepped in. A fellow coworker had the opportunity to take a position in her hometown cutting her commute time from thirty minutes to five. The good Lord helped me through the interview for that position selling and servicing crop insurance. I knew little about the insurance industry, but knew that the change was needed for our growing family. I would say this was a little divine intervention for both my coworker and me.
Looking back the jump from credit to insurance was a little daunting, but would I change it? No, absolutely not. I have been afforded so many neat opportunities while fueling my passion for education through customer outreach and activities like Ag in the Classroom. Know that just as one door is closing or you are not sure that there is hope you need to leave it out on the table. Some things are out of our control. Bless the good Lord that he knew what I didn’t.
Do you know what makes me terribly happy and a little sad at the same time? Watching our littles grow up. We will have a four year old in the house next week and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Mixed emotions for sure!
Being a parent opens your eyes to a whole new world and it is true that you don’t remember life before kids once you have them. I am totally ok with that, even if it means bag under my eyes or getting poo on my finger accidentally when checking for dirty pants. It doesn’t take long to learn parenting hacks and what really matters and how to fight your battles. Looking back over the last four years makes me nostalgic, a little sad, but mostly happy. So this is for you baby girl, what you have taught your momma in the last four years:
1. Smile - your heart is sweet and your smile makes my heart happy. Those big baby blues with that cheeky grin brighten any room, a constant reminder that we all need to smile a little more.
2. Tune in - not to the TV or to our phones but to you our sweet children. These are the moments we will never get back and I sure don’t want to miss them.
3. Pray together - watching you say the Our Father makes my heart swell. I love answering your questions about God and hearing your inquisitive mind at work. It truly leads me to want a better understanding of God so we may better serve him as a family.
4. Spontaneity - From impromptu dance parties to crazy stories, life is never slow with you. As a planner you and your dad have taught me to live a little more on the wild side, including leaving the house with dirty dishes in the sink. ;)
5. Listen - the things you remember astounds me. Your dad and I will talk about something and three weeks later you can repeat our whole conversation back to us. The true gift of listening with full attentiveness.
The list could go on but I’m getting teary eyed just thinking about the fact that you will be four…and in preschool in the fall. Here is to staying little baby girl but growing all at the same time. Mommy and Daddy love you!
I tried writing this to words about a week ago and the words were not there. True proof that his timing is always better than mine whether I choose to believe it or not. He has a way of teaching us like no other teacher. He knows the right time for all things in life even when they do not seem fair, right or just. In 2016 my word was Trust, which somehow perfectly leads me into my word for 2017: PATIENCE. Last year was about letting things go into his hands fully knowing that he can handle my ups and downs. The struggle with this is not knowing how long the ups or down will last.
Trust and patience are true reminders to me that no matter the hectic schedule he has a plan much greater than mine. This plan may take seconds to play out or years. He is the only one who truly knows. As a person who embraces new challenges and wants to be challenged I sometimes struggle with patience. Wanting to advance in my career while putting a family first is at the forefront of this struggle. I am a learner and growth junky. This does not always pair well with patience. Letting things happen at their own pace is a hard for me. The time we have here is limited and being committed to his timing will continue to teach me the act of being patient. His timing may not always seem perfect to us, but I believe he is always teaching us even if the lesson is years down the road. The patience to ride out the tough times will teach us far more than we can imagine.
Learning the act of being patient will also guide me in my home life. Letting the kids be little and savoring the extra book at bedtime instead of mentally going through my to do list. Snuggling on the couch with my husband instead of folding clothes. The patience comes in savoring this time. I rarely stop moving when at home but I am beginning to wonder what I am missing as I focus so much on the to dos instead of the right nows. So here is to a year of growth and understanding that his timing is far better than ours and that patience is so much more than staying calm while asking your three year old to put her socks on for the umpteenth time.
Almost two weeks into the New Year and life has kept its pace. January through the end of March are crazy busy for me with crop insurance deadlines equaling extra time at the office while savoring the minutes at home with my family. I recently watched a video that Dave Ramsey put out specifically on accomplishing goals in the New Year. His words of encouragement on making your life better lead me to this weeks Tuesday Ten. So here it is a look at my goals for the upcoming year:
This list makes me very excited! I wasn’t sure if I should stop at ten, but if these items are getting crossed off faster than expected I can add to it. I get asked how do I do it with a young family, a full time job, a farming husband and I tell people it’s life. My blessings are wide and deep. The craziness is eased by extra hugs and kisses from a two year old and a four year old that begs to help me lay out my next quilt top. These goals will hopefully allow me more time to do the things I love while spending meaningful quality time with those closest to me. So here is to a year of crushing goals and loving hard.
I'm Lisa, a farm wife turned city slicker. A child of God, wife and mother. I'm a dreamer relying on God's grace to get me through.